Bill's Blog

[peter]

July 18, 2007 - Wednesday


Misheard Lyrics
Current mood: grumpy

Oh, sweet babies! My motherfaking kneejerks, you are about to witness something hilarious. Take the following link and CRAM IT into your browser. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLd22ha_-VU

I've never really listened to Pearl Jam because I couldn't understand the lyrics, which are pretty much half of the reason to listen to any song. This guy nails the lousy diction of whatever hippie sings lead vocals for Pearl Jam. By the way, I'm not too much of a fuddy-duddy to figure out what their name is supposed to mean, ya know.

You kids can't pull the wool over my eyes, and even if you can the lanolin with only make my crows feet disappear!

With Old Fashioned Superiority,

Yer Great Uncle Bill

[peter]

July 20, 2007 - Friday


What's a period?
Category: Romance and Relationships

It's a question a young girl may ask, but not a young girlish question. If you or someone you know would like to view an instructional video about a woman's menstrual cycle, then click HERE.

Speaking of film, my friend Tracie is a director and shot a great music video. Here's a chance to help her out. She left a comment this week that reads:

VOTE FOR ALYSSA CAMPBELL'S "FALLING FROM MARS" MUSIC VIDEO!!!! Voting ends Aug. 5!

1) Go to www.star987.com/pages/rock_star_vote.html?feed=204416&article=2403680

2) Click on Alyssa Campbell-Falling from Mars (11th name from top)

3) Scroll down to bottom of page and write in email address

4) You'll get a confirmation email. Please reply to this and then your vote will be counted!

And that's it! Please forward this to ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS and get EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO VOTE AS WELL!

btw, if you haven't seen my video yet, you can check it out at:

www.myspace.com/alyssacampbellmusic

Hope you can help out. Well, ole Great Uncle Bill will be in Germany starting Sunday so he won't be able to answer all your messages, etc. Please be patient and have a beer on me.

Love,

Yer Great Uncle Bill

[peter]

July 22, 2007 - Sunday


Not a BLAH-G
Category: Blogging

Dear Motherfakers,

I know that sometimes my BLOG turns into a BLAHG. You know what I mean. I'll go off on some tangent and satisfy only the nosiest of you with stories about what I had for lunch or some link I happened accross, or fights I get into with meter maids, streetcorner Santa's and Buckingham Palace Guards.

Well, forget about fight stories tonight, because I've got to tell you how I kicked off my birthday month/second honeymoon weekend/month. Faithful spies will tell you that I'm leaving for Germany tomorrow from LA where I was shooting "Wizards", as I'm not abbreviating it.

But tonight, I went to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Baily Circus starring Bello Nock - the world's greatest clown. He in conjunction with the tradition of Ringling Bros. and the great circus history of his family has created a wonderful Bellobration of an evening. To read more about how awesome Bello is, check out this article on CNN.com written by clown royalty, Bill Irwin.

My friend Dave Cox, a magician/actor/writer friend of mine is good friends with Bello so we visited backstage with him and his family. What a really truly fun and real person! I wish I could have gotten to meet some of the other clowns and performers too. Oh well, I hope to do that in the future.

It turns out his kids are big Motherfakers and quote The Ringer all the time. How honored can I be that the kids of America's best clown were so thrilled to meet me? It must be great to be able to pour your heart out to people - some times three times a day - to bring a smile to somebody's face. And he's an amazing athlete as well. See the circus while you can. The Bellobration is a good, clean blast!!!!

So how did I spend my birthday this year? Oh, just travelled back to LA to work on a TV show and see a few friends. Then I saw a kick-butt circus and then got to hang with America's Best Clown. I don't know how you spent your birthday, but don't try...okay...just don't try to top it. Unless your daddy works in a balloon factory or your mom is the worlds best cake chef...which I doubt because their marriage would be sooooo ironic.

So that's me before I become Germanized. I don't know what's going to happen to me in Germany. I could become a German guy or something from speaking so much German. Or I could withdraw and become xenophobic about even my own hotel room. Whatever happens, this birthday rules, this honeymoon rules and we have a very dangerous house sitter who packs a shotgun and two pit bulls.

Rob us and Die,

Bill

[peter]

August 1, 2007 - Wednesday


Chocolate Rain
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Have you popped open your ear umbrella and tasted the Chocolate Rain? C'mon and take a taste. I don't have time to blog in Germany, so enjoy what comes my way.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA

Lean away from the mike and enjoy.

Great Unca Bill

[peter]

August 2, 2007 - Thursday


Hope you'll help out

Heya Motherfakers,

Okay, I bulletined this, too. I just want to make sure that everybody who wants to help out gets the news.

Please help me save a great show on Comedy Central, American Body Shop. If you've seen this show, please post a positive review on their web site:

www.comedycentral.com/shows/american_body_shop/message_board.jhtml

Or maybe if you've laughed at the previews. Please help out. Positive reviews keep a show on the air long enough to gain a good audience. I have friends on this show and I'd love to see them get rich and famous.

Sincerely,
Bill

[peter]

August 17, 2007 - Friday


It’s Always Sunny
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Oh, my Dearest Motherfakers...

Today is your luckiest of days. For today you get to see an online exclusive. Click HERE to see me in a myspace exclusive online episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

That's right. The season premeire is appearing online for a limited time. Check it out, and tell them what you think of the newest episode. It sparks off the newest season of It's Always Sunny which begins September 13th. Oh, and since you're a Motherfaker, you might want to learn how to spell my name correctly try and CRAM IT into your comments and messages to It's Always Sunny.

Check it out NOW.

[peter]

August 28, 2007 - Tuesday


Busy in Hollywood

Dear Friends and Fakers,

I'm not even in LA yet, and I'm busy as hell. Check out my calendar for a full list of events including shows at the Upright Citizen's Brigade, The Tomorrow Show, Garage Comedy, and iO.

I arrived from Germany last week and then I shot straight to Chicago for classes. Did I mention that I'll be teaching classes in LA as well? Hell yes, I will.

So keep your Monday and Tuesday evenings free for some great workshops.

Oh, my fakers. You should have been with me in Germany. You would have loved it. I know you, dude you totally would have loved it. People say it's totally different there, but it's very much the same.

Every day we were there it was in the 20's and 30's but it's so cold over there that it almost felt like summer. Same with the speed limit. At times we were going like 80, but since everybody else was speeding, it seemed like we weren't going so fast. Maybe the speed and the cold kept me bogged down, but I'd get drunk after only a few beers.

And of course, everyone there is defensive about their leader. I kept asking to meet Hitler so I could give him a piece of my mind but people kept telling me, "He's not in power today." At first, I thought he must be going through some kind of surgery and the vice-Hitler was in charge or something. But they kept telling me the same thing "He's not in power today." So he must take really long vacations like our president.

I saw some amazing stuff like Lubeck, the town where the character of Death was invented as well as a great marzipan museum, a puppet museum, the Berlin Wall, breweries, rivers, lakes, restaurants, and a lot of Vera's friends and family. Pictures to come. Hope you're enjoying what's left of your summer as well. I get into LA on Friday.

Hollah Back,
Bill

[peter]

August 30, 2007 - Thursday


Ah, late summer doldrums....

....maybe for you, but not for me. This week is not doodling and cutting up and buying back to school supplies. This week is packing and planning and getting ready for another month-long tour in LA, Hollywood, the Golden Pinata.

What were you expecting? A last minute plea to donate to Jerry's Kids? I got my own kids to clothe and feed. They're called The Motherfakers, and I owe my life to them.

You are them, so quit letting me refer to you in the third person. Them is you!

On that note, my friend Phillip is a devoted motherfaker and he has entered a contest. Now you know I only ask for your help for cool-ass things. And only when it's a good friend of mine. In this case, it's my friend Phillip who was my stage manager way back when I was touring with Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch and many other comedy greats at The Second City. We toured all over the country and Phillip always kept us on schedule and was very important as an outside eye.

So here's the thing. Phillip is great with voices and I'd like to help him out. He entered a Homer Simpson sound-alike contest and he's one of the top 3 finalists. Will you please visit this website and if you agree he's the best (you will, my hand to all that is great and good) then vote for Phillip Weber. Here's the website:

www.voices.com/simpsons/finalists.html

So, what's new with you? You must be beginning school or sending youg 'uns off to school. What's the toughest part of going back to school? Sound off, motherfakers.

FAKE OUT,

Good Ole Great Uncle Bill

[peter]

September 5, 2007 - Wednesday


I need a miracle
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Friends, Romans, Motherfakers...Lend me your ears.

I know, I haven't been able to blog much this week. I'm crazy busy in LA. I'm doing shows, teaching classes, and even learning a few new tricks. I'm hoping that some of you might have some free time and might want to help spread the word far and wide of my newest round of classes in LA.

I'm trying my best to get the word out to everybody who wants to take a free improv class or maybe even more advanced classes. I need to crash....I'm a bit overstressed. And so,,,at 1:23AM, here is the info:

Free Improv Class Sept. 11th at 8:30pm with Bill Chott from Saturday Night Live cartoons, The Ringer, and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Learn "The Trick" to great improv. Includes free admission to a showcase following the workshop...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />



Improv Basics - $150

A course for both beginning improvisers and a refresher course for improvisers who don't feel their scenes going anywhere. 7-10pm Three Mondays beginning September 17th, including a showcase on October 2nd.



Character Workshop - $50

Character from the Ground Up. A course in Character Work from the Character King. Create believeable, whole characters. 8:30-10:30pm Tues. Sept. 18th.



WORK, WORK, WORKshop - $50

The Comedy Workout. You will laugh, you will sweat, you will work! 8:30-10:30 Tues. Sept. 25th.



Take both Character and Work and save $20!!

REGISTER NOW - Call 323-359-8588 or visit www.theimprovtrick.com



All Classes are at Smart Space: 12958 W. Washington Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90066

[peter]

September 11, 2007 - Tuesday


I’ll be on MONK

Yes, my friends. I will fake your mothers, that is if your mothers watch MONK. I just got an offer to perform on MONK next week. I'm really excited to work with Tony Shalhoub. I got to meet him the other day when I met with the producers of MONK, and he remembered my role in Galaxy Quest. I didn't get to meet him when I worked with him on that film because we were not in the same scenes, but I'm really looking forward to working with one of my absolute favorite actors. By Grabthar's Hammer, I can't wait until next week!

Last week was very fun, I did Zodiac Thrillers at bang improv studio and I'm having a great time in a great acting class. While in LA, I'm studying with Lesly Kahn who is the top acting coach in Hollywood. She is truly the best and I've been wanting to get into her class for a long time. It's an elite group of people and I'm happy to be a part of that.

Also, last weekend I taped some stand-up for a new comedy website called effinfuny.com. You'll know about it for sure when my comedy starts appearing there. I'm teaching, I'm performing, I'm learning. And I have a bunch of nifty new pics of me at the Empty Stage comedy theater.

This week, I'll be appearing at iO in Opening Night the Improvised Musical and the Tomorrow show at Steve Allen. If you're in LA, please stop by and say "hi" I'm really much busier than usual. So, after shows and workshops is one of my few times to catch up with friends. If you live in LA, please tell a friend about my workshops at www.theimprovtrick.com.

FAKE OFF,

Bill

[peter]

September 20, 2007 - Thursday

Monk, murder and rock’n’roll


Oh Motherfakers,

See me tomorrow night at iO in Opening Night: The Improvised Musical. This week it's a Rock Opera!!!!! For more info, see www.iowest.com or visit my calendar. I'll be at the UCB theatre next weekend in Amercia's Best Comic.

I had an amazing week working on MONK. The first cast member I met was Ted Devine, who plays Capt. Stotlemyre. He's a great actor with a Chicago background and he was incredibly friendly and had a lot of great stories. He is such a chameleon that it wasn't until my day of work with him that I realized that he played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs.

Tony Shalhoub did not disappoint, either. He was a great guy and welcomed me on board with a handshake and told me that he really loved my audition. Such a genuine and modest guy. The sort of guy who sits with the rest of the cast at lunch and rides in the same van as everybody else. Really generous, too. And he is wise to surround himself with a cast as talented and genuinely nice as himself.

Michael Watkins was the director, and he has an amazing way of getting happier and nuttier the longer the day goes on, including asking us to sing our lines for the rehearsal and constantly telling stories and jokes in the down time. He has directed and produced for shows like The X Files, Las Vegas, CSI, Smallville, and Prison Break. And he takes the time to teach a college class here in LA. Quite a great guy and another amazing member of the MONK team.

Yesterday, I had to eat an extremely melty candy bar in a scene that takes place in a bank. I play a bank teller where a robbery has happened. Ironic, since I was a bank teller years ago in St. Louis at St. John's Bank. I put myself through college working at the bank and when I moved to Chicago to study at The Second City, I worked at Boulevard Bank in the basement of the Wrigley building...all so I could become an actor. Now one of my favorite jobs so far in TV took place in what else? A Bank!!!!

The new season will start in January, so keep your eyes peeled for the second episode of next season, Mr. Monk Goes to the Bank. As always, if you're an extra dedicated Motherfaker please send USA mail if you enjoyed my performance.

[peter]

September 26, 2007 - Wednesday


What a Life!

What a life! I say to myself sometimes. Vera is coming out to LA to visit for a week starting Saturday. And I've never been busier in LA.

Last week, I shot a guest starring episode of MONK, this week I shot a spec commercial for Skittles and tomorrow I'm taping another episode of The Ambiguously Gay Duo for Saturday Night Live. It airs this Saturday.

On Saturday night I'll be at the UCB Theater performing in America's Best Comic. The show features a lot of great celebrity acts including Matt Besser, Andy Daly, James Adomian and the UCB's best talent. I'll be performing as Basil Crackup (the British Impro Comedian and Artie Smitten (Amercia's Favorite Insult Artist). That show starts at 10:00pm at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater, 5919 Franklin Ave. Hollywood, CA. For tickets and info, click HERE.

I'm so excited that Vera's coming back to LA for a bit. I hope all of you who live out here can come by and wish her well. I miss her so much after this month. The party to celebrate her 12th year in America is at El Cid: 4212 Sunset Blvd. We'll be there any time after 6:00PM. Great drinks, tapas, and maybe some flamenco!!!!

Let me see you. And for those of you who are in St. Louis, we'll be having an Oktoberfest party soon. St. Louis friends, contact us about info.

Have a great week and remember to take all that info about my show this week and CRAM IT into a bulletin and share with other friends.

[peter]

October 10, 2007 - Wednesday


Wiggity wiggity Wizards of Waverly Place!!!!!

Hey Motherfakers! ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

The Wizards of Waverly Place will premeire on October 12th on the Disney Channel. I play the teacher, Mr. Laritate, the clueless teacher with a bolo tie compulsion. Because I had a few people ask, I've re-posted my pic as Mr. Laritate with the genie and the snake and the possible ghost action.

I may or may not be in the premeire episode. If I am, let me know what you thought. Then please go on to let Disney know what you thought.

Your input will always help out. I hope you can watch and support this show. With your help, it could easily be the next Hannah Montana.

I have no idea when my shows air. I'm bad at figuring that out. For example, I saw my episode of It's Always Sunny...online, but I still have not heard from anyone who saw it on TV. HMMM. Not to mention that the name of my episode is "Mac is a Serial Killer" and it's listed on IMDB as "Dennis Looks Like a Sex Offender." Thanks IMDB, and while I'm at it: thanks for not mentioning Curious George since I did a whole season and it's on DVD already and still not on IMDB. At the same time, movies I did years ago are still listed as "in production". After all that, do they think I'd sign up for IMDB "pro"? Um, you can take all those credits and CRAM IT onto iactor.com now.

Sincerely,
Yer Ole Unca Bill

[peter]

Monday, October 22, 2007


Halloween’s Upon Us

You Spooky Motherfakers,

Thanks to all of you who let me know what you thought about the episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia I did last week. Also, keep you eyes open for my episodes of The Wizards of Waverly Place. I've been told I'm in the trailers for this week's episode. Check your local listings for time and channel.

Ok, so Halloween is almost here. Tonight I'm going to see Ween at The Pageant, St. Louis's hippest concert venue. Give a shout out if you'll be there. Unfortunately I won't be at the Hallo concert.

So, I thought it would be great to share a mystery with you. A while back I did a cameo on a show that my friends Andy and Scott put together called The Harper Teen Mystery Files. It was part of Channel 101, and if you haven't seen Channel 101, start checking that crap out right now.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWsx88-DsrM.. me know what you think.

Also, some of you might have seen my audition for the Farrelly Bros. upcoming Three Stooges film if you visited the Ziddio site in the spring. Well, it's up on YouTube now and a lot easier to view. So do yourself a favor and check it out.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezJUKCCeMB4

Also if any of you can help me embed my video in my myspace lemme know.



Thanks,

Bill

[peter]

Monday, November 05, 2007


Daylight Savings, pennies on the dollar
Category: Life

I'm not Faking, Mothers,

It's no longer Daylight Savings Time. We gained an hour today but we also will be losing time each day until the nights consume the day. And my days have become incredibly consumed lately.

I spent some time this week at my Alma Mater, Central Methodist University teaching improv workshops, doing a show and partying with the Chi Delts. Yes, I spent a few days reliving my fraternity days. I couldn't keep up with the beer and the hormones, but I had a blast. As always the Chi Delts are a great group of guys who treat their ladies with the utmost respect and gentlemanly values. And they really know how to party.

Vera and I will be heading to New Orleans this week for some fun at the New Orleans Improv Festival. It was a blast last year and I'm expecting more of the same from this year's festivities. I'm performing and teaching, and so is Vera. In case you're in New Orleans or have a friend there, pass on the following:

Don't miss this one time only chance to learn "The Secrets of the East" from Vera Lukas.

Vera will teach belly dancing as well as the eastern secrets of essential oils. It's all part of the New Orleans Improv Festival. Classes are only $30.

All workshops will be held at La Nuit on Saturday, November 10th 3-5pm.

For more info, call 314-497-2159 or visit the website at www.neworleansimprovfestival.com.

All performances and workshops will be at La Nuit Theater in Uptown New Orleans. The theater is a landmark in the heart of the reborn Freret Arts & Cultural Corridor.Located just blocks from the Riverbend shopping district, Tulane and Loyola Universities,and the historic St Charles Ave streetcar line, its easy to get to and from. LaNuit is located at 2301 Soniat St. NOLA 70115.

I've been busy as hell lately in St. Louis with Halloween and Day of the Dead Festivities. I had so much fun last night decorating sugar skulls. Did you know they use arsenic to bind the sugar together. MMMMMMmmmm....No wonder they call it Day of the Dead. I actually knew very little about this South American and Mexican holiday until a few years ago. Each year I learn a bit more. It's a great way to honor your ancestors and party with living friends as well. I accidentally set down some candy apples on the altar in my friend Marcia's apartment. But I think my Grandparents loved candy apples. Not exactly flan but it's a good October treat. It's America's newest holiday. Get used to it, GRINGO!!!

Umm, my ancestors by the way are German, Irish, Polish, French and Bohemian. So I hope they're not offended that I wasn't invading, drinking, bowling, drinking or writing poetry yesterday.

So, I'm hoping all my myspace friends will check out my YouTube video. I've mentioned it here before but I'm hoping to start a viral marketing campaingn to snag me the job of Curly in the Farrelly Bros. Three Stooges movie. I really think this film can work out great if they get the right funny guys. Here's my dream cast:

MOE: Steve Carrell/Dave Koechner

LARRY: Matt Walsh/David Paymer

CURLY: Me, I will crush any opponents and will settle for nothing less than complete victory.

I think it can work if the actors they choose will bring a lot of original physical humor to the role. If you look online you'll see a lot of Three Stooges fans who are upset with the idea of different people playing Larry, Moe and Curly. But consider this: Don't you think it was heresy to Mozart fans when other guys started playing his music? Or when the first baseball team was replaced one by one with the first ever rookies? Okay, maybe that has put things in a better perspective. The Stooges are not Mozart....or old timey baseball.

Some would argue that Charlie Chaplin was a bit more of a visionary than the the Howard Brothers and their buddy Mr. Fine. Not me, but even among comedians there are snobs. Now consider this, comedy snobberoo...in Hollywood there's a Charlie Chaplin impersonator on every street corner. Played by old guys, young guys even an old woman and she does the best job of all. So why not room for the three guys who took eye gouging, hair ripping and nazi spy foiling to an art form?

So do comedy a favor and vote me for President of Being Curly. See my video on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezJUKCCeMB4

And please rank it high and comment on it if you enjoy it. It's already jumping up in the rankings. Why not view it a few times and pass it on to your friends. I'd do it for you if you were trying to be MOE's beeyotch.

Soitenly,

Ole Great Uncle Bill